The 27th marked exactly a month until I leave. It still doesn't feel real. It feels like summer camp. I totally know I'm moving to China. For 2+years. It just hasn't really sank in. I cried when I returned from UNI and Grania came to cuddle with me. I knew I wouldn't be taking her with me and that just kills me. She's been there through so many changes in my life, but I just know she's better off here.
It just so happens that the 27th was an amazing day with my friend G. It was the perfect way to mark my countdown. We went to Epcot, which, in another way, was perfect since we both visited China. G is my newest friend. I've only known her for about 6 months, but we've quickly developed into the "Omigah, I love her!" gushyness of true friends.
I've been extremely lucky in my friendships since I moved back home. All through college, I dreamed of having a girl group, where we'd have dinner, drink wine, talk, laugh, and just share our comradery. I never would have guess I'd find it when I came home. I jumped back in touch with A1 and then slowly, but surely, our girls' nights began to form. I began to recruit more people. Ladies who I worked with who I thought were awesome and then these ladies began to bring in friends who they thought would mesh well. I love my group. We just welcome people in. Sure, we have our "initiation rites" (what group doesn't?), but it's quick and painless. ;) Everyone belongs and we have a brilliant, beyond brilliant time together. Most of us have been together for 3+ years.
So it was hard for me when A2 said, "What are we going to do when you're not here?" I had never thought about it. In my perfect mind, everything was going to stay the same, except without me here. But, as I began pondering, I realized, nothing was going to stay the same. We were all going to be moving on. My girl group might not be here (or *gasp* even meet when I'm away). I put the pieces into place, now it's up to them to keep it together. G put it best. She said I'm a glue sticker. She's been to the group once and she's already seen how it works. I guess I never noticed that I really do hold the group together. In a way, it makes me feel special, but it also makes me feel sad. Look how I brought all these amazing people together! But will they stay together when I leave?
Will we stay together when I leave? They say that friendship is really based on proximity and convenience as well as real love and compatibility. What's going to happen when I take both of those out? When I'm 12 hours apart and we can't text each other and all we have is Facebook, email, and Skype? Are we going to be there? All of me wants to shout, "YES!!!! They are my friends and I love them and they love me!". But then the realistic part kicks in. Sure, we'll email and chat the first few weeks when I'm settling in and freaking out, but I know, soon, it'll dwindle down to an occasional email or comment on Facebook. I'll be me who's doing the reaching out. It'll become "out of sight, out of mind" and that scares me. I don't want to loose these amazing women who've helped to shape who I am.
Yes, I'll make new friends in China, but I want to keep my old ones. Just like the Girl Scout song:
Make new friends,
but keep the old.
One is silver
and the other's gold.
I know that I will loose many of them. Not so much loose, but slowly slip away. I'll have the amazing memories of all the fun times we've had. They will always be with me. They've left footprints all over my heart.
Who will I be Skyping at 1am EST because I am homesick and need to cry with someone? Who will be my mundane email pal where we just chat and share what our days are like? Where I recount the culture shock and strange things I see and wish that she was there with me? Where she tells me about shopping at Publix and I break down in tears because I miss the ho-hum of the familiar? Who will I send snail mail to just because sometimes it's fun to get mail? Who will send me refrigerated boxes of cheese or yeast or my favorite candy bar because she knows I miss it without me even saying so? Who will send a card or an email just because she's thinking about me and not the other way around?
Maybe no one will. I know when I come back in a year, we will all be changed people. I can't live with the FOMO. I just don't want our friendships to be reduced to the "So, tell me about China" and then awkward silence because we now have nothing common. But, it will happen. I will loose some of these amazing women who I am so close with. That's life. Maybe they were just meant to be in my life for a short time and leave me with the lessons they gave me. Change is good and I certainly won't be the only one changing.
<3 A to the 5th power G Cally Tiff 500 V
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